50 of the Worst Business Names

February 26, 2013 by heather Leave a Comment

The name of a business can be one of the most important factors in how successful it is. A potential customer’s only interaction with a store may be seeing its sign as they drive by during their day or reading its name in a list of local businesses. A name has to be unique, give a good sense of the business, and sound good on the tongue. Unfortunately, many businesses – even some large chains and corporations – simply do not stop to think about what exactly their name is projecting to the world. Here is a collection of 50 of the worst of these terrible business names from across the world.

1. Doggy Style Pet Shop

Sometimes, the loveliest work is done with those on all fours.
2. Megaflicks

Even a properly sound name can induce snickers when the wrong font is used.

3. Kids Exchange

A bit of poor formatting turns the store from a shop for children to a stop for those who think their son plays with too many dolls.
4. Flooz.com

It is not a large leap to think that this picture is calling Miss Goldberg a strumpet.
5. The Golden Shower Restaurant

We do not recommend that you try the lemonade or butter dip.
6. Fifth Third Bank

This bank’s name is a quick rearrangement away from being an allusion to racism and inequality on top of being incredibly boring.
7. Analtech

Despite the name, you will not be able to buy any complicated sex toys designed for rectal insertion.
8. Big Dick Warehousing and Storage

If you are going to store your things, then you might as well do so with Little Richard’s older brother.

9. Mammoth Erection

Their number is the one you call when you cannot manage to get it up on your own.
10. Badcock Home and Furniture

Badcock goes firmly high up on the list of unfortunate last names to have when starting a business.
11. Bunghole Liquors

Drinking liquor through your bunghole may in fact cause serious health issues or even death.
12. AssCompact

The only explanation we can come up with for this risk management company’s name is “Crazy Germans.”
13. PEDO Diapers

Supposedly, PEDO is an acronym, but we were unable to find what exactly it stands for when browsing the company site.
14. Siemens

One of the largest companies on the list, Siemens makes huge deposits into its bank regularly.
15. Herpes Pizza

When someone gives you the gift of pizza, be sure to share that gift with your friends.
16. Hooker Furniture

The tag line should read “We don’t sell just beds!” Hookers need couches and desks as well.
17. Hooker’s Funeral Home

If this funeral home was located in Washington D.C., it might be a favorite stop for some shady politicians looking to cover their tracks.
18. Butt Drilling

They will dig hard, dig deep, and they will not rest until the hole is wide enough to allow a steady stream of liquid through it.
19. Cumbria Storage

This name actually seems quite alright until you are directed to their website at cumstore.co.uk.
20. Therapist Finder

With the ambiguous capitalization seen in website names, this business may get traffic for those looking for nonconsensual relationships.

21. Killer for Hire

This company actually lives up to its name and is responsible for millions of deaths a year. Those deaths just happen to be mostly insects.
22. Hindenburger

This flame broiled burger shop would venture into epic territory if they had a zeppelin delivery service.
23. Thai Me Up

Chopsticks are hard enough to use when you have full motion of your limbs.

24. Couche-Tard

The name means “sleep late” in French, but it sounds like they are marketing to sedentary folk who have had their minds rotted by television.
25. Eat Here and Get Gas

It may not be the first convenience store to sell food and gas, but it is one of the loudest claimants of the fact.
26. Fuk Mi Sushi and Seafood

The owner is likely wondering why their wait staff is consistently being groped.

27. S.T.D. Contractors

This would be the perfect name for a professional vaccination test subject company.
28. Fast Taco

Another victim of poor sign design, Fast Taco may be trying to subliminally add some truth to advertising.
29. P.C.P Dining

Their food is so good, you might rip off your skin and bite your neighbor just for some leftovers.
30. Pu Pu Hot Pot

Stop by for a steaming bowl of deliciousness.
31. S&M Family Outlet

Sometimes that bratty little child just needs a good spanking and a ball gag.
32. Hugh Jass Burgers

This is undoubtedly the most clever and subtle double entendre yet. As long as the burgers live up to the name, it could be a successful chain outside of the Bible Belt.
33. Jack the Stripper

The point of a business name is not to imply that you will be finding your customers in a dark alley to deliver your goods, in a manner of speaking.

34. Who Represents? Talent Management Finder

When looking at the website, http://www.whorepresents.com/, you might think the company caters to bachelor parties.

35. Phat Phuc Noodle Bar

The website for Phat Phuc says that the name translated to “Happy Buddha” in Vietnamese. We are not sure if they are just pulling our legs.
36. Wok and Roll

They serve the kind of food that just soothes the soul.
37. Cabbages and Condoms Thai Restaurant

There really just are not any words for this one. Perhaps cabbage is seen as an aphrodisiac in Vietnamese culture.
38. Know Knew Books

The attempt to be clever fails thanks to its incoherence and the negative advertising.
39. Fu King Restaurant

Some of the interesting Asian names toy the line between clever plays on wording and terrible puns, but this one merely seems a childish attempt to be lewd on a billboard.
40. The Dress Barn

A clothing store that caters to plus-sized women is a great idea, but almost calling your clientele livestock is not going to get them rushing in the door.
41. Gross Convenience Store

People are scared enough of convenience store food as it is, even if those corn dogs sitting under the heat lamp since yesterday are tasty.
42. Amedisys

The name gives almost no clue as to what the business actually does. If it was an obscure megacorporation it would be alright, but the name is just forgettable for a health services company.
43. Dairy Air

They will get to the bottom of all your heating and cooling woes.
44. Well Hung Curtains

Size does matter when giving your windows proper shading.
45. T’s Me

The name would work if t-shirts were considered sexy when worn by anyone except Jessica Alba.
46. The Stalk Market

Wall Street would be a more colorful place if this store was on it.
47. Copy Cat Reproductions

It might be impossible to say the name without feeling like you are discussing the copier version of a child’s lemonade stand.
48. A Pane in the Glass